ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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