Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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