hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
