The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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