you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Only a mothe r could love this liver
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
