i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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