He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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