Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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