Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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