Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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