I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
