yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
