I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
