Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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