I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
