Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
