Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
