Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
