so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
