So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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