I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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