Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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