"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
