just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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