she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
