bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
