Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
