You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
