i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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