last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
