this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
They are going to name an STD after you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
