so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
