The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
