I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
