Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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