it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I party with great urgency now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
