; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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