and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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