This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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