i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
