i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
