Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think people are normalizing furries
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