when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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