the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
