I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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