Tell her she can't have a vagina
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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