My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so that wasnt chicken after all
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Randomize
