We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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