I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
