also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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