I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
